I am not even sure where to start. My last post was in August. To be exact, it was August 12th. It was right before I went back to work.
So many things have happened since August. These past few months have been a whirlwind of emotions. In September, I experienced one of the most painful moments of my life with the unexpected loss of my oldest sister. I have felt pain before, but nothing compares to losing a sibling. The heartbreak is even heavier when it happens without warning. Not that expecting it would make it any easier, because no amount of preparation can truly lessen that kind of loss.
There are times when I find myself wondering why it happened, but there never seems to be a right answer. I have always been a firm believer that things happen for a reason, yet this loss has left me questioning what that reason could possibly be. It is hard to make sense of something so painful, especially when it changes your world in ways you never expected.
In February, I traveled to Mexico with another one of my sisters for her birthday. I was there for four days and tried to make the best of our time together. On her actual birthday, my niece invited a few of my sister’s friends to join us for lunch. We ate, talked, shared memories, and cried. Then I cried some more. Honestly, I cried a lot. Still, it was comforting to hear stories from the people who knew and loved her.
Grief is strange that way. There are moments when I feel like I am doing okay, and then, without warning, the tears come all over again. Kind of like right now.
I am hoping I can start blogging again. Earlier this year, I worked with a designer to completely redesign my site, and I absolutely love how it turned out. I wanted something that felt new, fresh, and inspiring.
I also opened a store on Teachers Pay Teachers (TpT), the world’s largest online marketplace for PreK–12 educational resources where teachers buy, sell, and share original lesson plans, worksheets, activities, and digital materials. My goal is to create resources in both English and Spanish, with a stronger focus on Spanish resources. Any money I make will go directly toward making extra payments on my mortgage. Retirement will be here sooner than I realize, and I want to pay off as much as I can now because I do not want to wait until I am 67 to retire, which is when I would receive my full benefits.
My last day of school is next Thursday, and I can hardly wait. It has been a very difficult year. Teaching today is not what it used to be, and that is another reason I hope to retire sooner rather than later. If I could, I would retire this year.
As for running, it just has not been there for me lately. Over the past few months, I have gone back and forth between feeling motivated and completely unmotivated. I really do not have an excuse, but right now, I simply do not have the desire to run. It is hard to believe that just a few years ago I ran every single day for an entire year. I could really use some of that motivation again.
If you made it this far, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. Hopefully, my future posts will include more about running again. 🙂
I’m linking up with Jenny (RunnersFly) and Jenn (Runs with Pugs).
10 responses to “Hello there!”
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Oh Zenaida, I’m so sorry about the loss of your sister. That must be incredibly hard. I lost my younger brother five years ago, so I can relate to that strange, heavy grief that seems to come out of nowhere when you least expect it. I’m glad you have family around you to share memories, tears, and support.
I’m also glad to see you finding little ways forward again, one step at a time. Your new blog design looks fantastic! And if running is not calling to you right now, that’s okay too. Sometimes just getting through the day is enough, and there are plenty of other ways to move and take care of yourself.
Really good to see you back blogging again. ❤️
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Thanks. I need to find a routine to do the things I want to do (reading, blogging, TpT store, etc). I will have more time once I am done with school.
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Welcome back. I know this year has been difficult, and full of loss and grief, but it’s good to have you back in this space. You know I wish you all the best with TPT, and I hope the end of the school year is good to you. Lots of love.
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Thank you! 💕 💕
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Sorry to hear about your losses.
Running will be there when you want it to be. I bet you go back to it!!
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Thanks, Darlene. 💕 💕
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Zenaida- that is terrible news. I don’t know what it feels like to lose a sibling, but I imagine that it’s devastating. Here’s what I learned when I lost my parents- 1) it truly takes a year to start feeling “normal” again. The first year is so, so hard. You have to go through every holiday and anniversary without the person- the second time through it gets a little easier. 2) You never get “over it”, but you get used to it. You’ll never stop being sad over the loss of your sister, but eventually that sadness will be woven into an otherwise happy life. I know you’re not there yet. Kudos to you for making it through a difficult school year. Teaching is hard enough, and you had to deal with a terrible loss at the same time.
I am rooting for you to retire early! In the meantime- I hope you have some nice summer plans. Hang in there!
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Thank you! 💕💕
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I am happy you are blogging again! I have followed you since I used to join in with the Weekly Rundown blogs, but stopped doing the blogs myself. I lost my oldest son (27) last fall unexpectedly. My youngest son has struggled quite a bit, as have I. I understand what you mean when you feel like you may finally be doing ok and then you are crying again. I have stopped trying to figure grief out and have accepted the death of my son changed me deep inside and I just need to allow myself to feel whatever it is I am feeling. Congrats on your online store! I hope you enjoy your summer and continue to heal.
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Thank you for the kind words. I am so sorry to hear about your son. No parent should ever have to bury their child. Losing a sibling is heartbreaking, but losing a child is a completely different kind of pain.